Anxiety and Uncertainty During COVID-19 from a Student's Perspective

Spring 2020 - Week 2 - April 9th

Dear Diary,

This week has been very stressful yet very comforting at the same time. I purchased my textbooks two weeks ago. There was a problem with my books’ order because the textbook version that the professor requested no longer was being produced and I had already sent the order for it. This caused the store to modify my order and now that I have received my order, I am not sure if that is the right book that I need for my course. I called the store multiple times last week but I think they were also confused. However, I called them again on Monday to clarify everything, and they were nice and refunded my order. I now have an incomplete book but I am not upset about it because the code works and allows me to access my homework and it was “free!” The reason why I am mentioning this is not because I am not content. I am mentioning this because I believe that if I classes were in person like any other regular quarter at UCSB, the process of ordering textbooks would have been easier and faster. I would always buy my textbooks in person and if there were any complications with my order, the issues would have been solved a lot quicklier. I would not have to have felt anxiety for hours and it would have been probably easier for the store as well. 

I confess I am scared of what this quarter will be like. I do not like that for most of my classes (those that offer pre recorded lectures) I cannot just simply ask questions as I watch the lectures online and have to wait until office hours. It interrupts my train of thought and the connections I make when learning about the material. However, I do enjoy how it allows me to watch the recorded lectures whenever I desire. On Wednesday, for example, I decided to wake up earlier and watch my 8am lecture at 7am. It allowed me to be more productive and have an extra hour of the day. It also makes more sense to me because I am the type of person that is super productive during the day, especially mornings, and starting at 5pm is already tired and cannot focus. 

The online classes allow my schedule to be more flexible and because of that, I just hope I will be able to do everything on time and not make a mess out of it. It had even influenced me to start a planner. This week, I have started a routine of (1) waking up, (2) getting ready, (3) eating cereal while creating a “to do list” for the day, and (4) following the list. As I am writing this, at 1:17pm, I have already checked 4/6 items off of my list and doing this is so satisfying. I hope I will not lose control of my assignments and not have any surprises along the way. 

Overall, this week was busy with many homework assignments. I do not know if that is because I am taking more units and now in the major or because of the fact that the instructions are fully online. All I know is that I am scared and anxious about the upcoming weeks because I do not know what and the level of difficulty to expect from the exams and because it feels like the world is ending and nothing really makes sense anymore. I hope the next coming weeks will present some light to all of our doubts and that all of us are able to adapt to the new systems caused by the COVID-19 outbreak.

Picture from Winter 2019 ("Good Old days")