Are we the only one?

A week ago, I posted a Facebook “story” of myself hugging my dog and smiling. In that picture, there is a girl who is happy, satisfied with her life, and it seems like she is having a good day. However, in reality, I only slept 3 hours the night before that picture was taken as I was worried about the upcoming job interview, and I felt tired, confused, and collapsed. The fear that I will not be able to find a job, the fear that I will receive another rejection on top of the 30 “no’s” that I received during the summer. 

Posting pictures and reading people’s comments is my weak effort to distract myself from reality and true feelings - hopeless and worried. I use social media in exchange for positive energy and people’s likes will make me feel recognized. I checked my phone every minute to see how many likes or comments that I received and when I do not get a lot of likes, I become worried and think about deleting the post as people do not see me having the “perfect life.” 

Life has been quite challenging for me since COVID-19. I could not fly home because the border is closed, living with my uncle’s family is not so great, and the job-hunting process is disappointing. I sometimes feel lonely as it is hard for me to share my stories. I kept everything to myself because they might make my parents worried or I am afraid that no one would ever understand since not everyone studies abroad. I am also afraid of judgments and people might think that I am weak and vulnerable. Thus, I feel safe to keep my feelings to myself and try my best to improve the quality of my life.

We often think hiding feelings and faking a good, perfect life is the solution to all of our problems. We tell everyone that we are okay when we are not. And sometimes, might be in just a moment, we try to smile and be excited about everyone’s stories and ignoring the fact that we are feeling like a mess. I believe that we are not the only ones who is responsible for our own feelings. I thought of this when I saw the word “human” in Chinese. The two “lines” leaning on each other create the world “human” and I believe that we support each other like the meaning of that world because we are vulnerable and it is good to have someone to listen to our stories and be sympathetic with us. 

People are afraid of failure as they believe it decreases their values. I used to think like that. But if we look at it differently, mistakes help us to grow and become more mature. There would be no success without failures. It is acceptable to cry in public, to skip a day at work to watch Netflix, or to share an embarrassing moment with a friend. There is no such thing as a perfect life. We all thrive for it, but I believe it is better to have a happy and real life. Some events or experiences are out of our reach, how can we make it perfect if we have no control over it? People’s recognition is good and can serve as motivation, but we can always recognize and give ourselves nice applause whenever we accomplish something. 

It is better to share and create connections, especially when everything is virtual. We have a rough day and our friends or families might have it too. Sharing and caring is better than hiding or ignoring. We are not the only ones who are responsible for our feelings. If there is no one is willing to support us, then we would be there for ourselves.