What’s on my Mind as a Senior ~mental health and career choices~

 Hi everyone! This is Erika from Japan :)

In this post, I would like to be completely open to you all about what my mind is going through.

This is my senior year, and I just had my last pass-time of college. Everything soon is going to be my last time. Last first day of class, last midterm, last finals… so overwhelming.

There are other things we have to think about senior year. What to do after, if I want to stay in the US or go back to my home country, whether or not I’m making the right decisions for myself… I cannot imagine myself not being a student. I think I’m not the only one who has these thoughts. 

While thinking about all of these and having midterms and so many projects due at the same time, I had a little panic attack in the shower. I used to have them growing up, but it has been a long time since I had a last one. I think it was because I was trying to do everything by myself and thinking to myself where I should have been talking to people about how overwhelming things can be. I honestly did not realize how much it was building up. 

Because of this, and also because I am taking a helping skills class (CNCSP101) and pursuing UCSB’s Resilience Summit and Certificate Program since last quarter, I decided to reach out to CAPS for a session. During this pandemic, they do the first interaction via phone, but I do not have a phone service right now because I am relying on wifi in my house, so I could not start it right away. Instead, they offered to do the first session via zoom so I will be able to access counseling soon. It was so nice how accepting they were to my situation.

Being in ISAB, we had multiple times when we talked about campus resources. As a board member, I am always encouraged to guide students towards resources if and when students need it. CAPS is a big and important resource on campus, but I haven’t really used it for myself even if I have recommended it before. So, I am looking forward to knowing what support I can get.

I understand that counseling is not seen as normal or good in some cultures. Even in Japan, people think going to counseling means something is wrong with that person, and therefore, people do not want to admit they have problems and do not want others to find out. I totally understand that. But, I guess what I wanted to say is that it is okay to ask for help. If counseling is too much right now, you can start by simply just talking about what is on your mind with whoever you trust. Do not hold it in like I did. And if you can, try using resources like CAPS. There is nothing to be ashamed or afraid about. I think everyone can benefit even if they do not have a severe problem. It is okay and you are not alone. Just talking to someone can improve your mental help. 

To end on a more positive note, I will talk about what I am thinking about after graduation. I was first interested in training and coaching people through theater and self-analysis, but could not find anything that does such things on my own. I did not know if that job existed, but apparently, it did. I have been talking to amazing people who have connected me to other amazing people who actually work in the field. They have shown interest in me and I am in the process of connecting with them, hoping for a position after I graduate. I know this is not the typical way of finding a job, but from the traditional way, I could not find anything that I was interested in for a long time. Asking around, and getting recommendations is a different way than simply applying, and here I am. 

I know this is a stressful time for everyone, and everyone worries about their career sometime in their lives. It is okay to rely on people, you are not the only one going through this, and there are multiple solutions to everything.