Finding spirituality in college: a story of a fervorous skeptic

I was raised in a non-religious home. In spite of living in the most catholic country in the world, Brazil, I grew up to be a fervorous atheist. This of course bled into other aspects of my life, making me extremely skeptical of everything anyone has ever told me. While I was growing up my parents told me to claim I was a non-practicing catholic in order to keep me out of complicated conversations and judgement. Up until the 6th grade, I had managed to stay out of trouble with that excuse. But when I moved to a catholic school so that I could have an American-style education to improve my English, I had to actually learn in-depth about the religion which made it increasingly harder to stifle my beliefs.

Needless to say, I got into a lot of trouble with my religion teacher during this time, because while my parents had taught me how to avoid awkward conversations on the topic, that didn’t necessarily mean I wanted to avoid them. I was very inquisitive, and the attitude of the school regarding my beliefs, or lack of thereof, made me develop a lot of anger and resentment towards Catholicism.

I had never felt lacking or anything of the sort because of my lack of religion, however, I had always felt uncomfortable when friends told me about personal experiences they had had that were inexplicable outside of a religious or spiritual context. I obviously didn’t think these people were lying to me, but no reasonable scientific concepts could explain what they’d experienced so I never took what they had said to heart.

It was only this year that I was able to lower some of my barriers to accept spirituality into my life. My new roommates for Winter Quarter are people that are extremely in touch with their spiritualities, and they have helped me to look at it as a tool for self-improvement instead of a tool for mass manipulation, which was my perception before meeting them.

The first spiritual engagement we had was one entailing a Tarot card reading. Tarot consists of a deck of 78 cards, each with a particular meaning and an illustration that conveys that meaning through symbolism. The major arcana portion of the deck tells the story of the fool, which usually represents the person receiving the reading. The minor arcana cards usually represent those that surround us on our journey through life. They were originally used as playing deck cards in Europe during the 1800s, however over time became a tool for divination.

My roommates in particular share the belief that the cards represent guidance from their ancestors and spirit guides. I, on the other hand, believe that Tarot readings are a tool for practicing one's intuition and becoming more in sync with your "inner self". I decided to participate in my first ever reading with them as something playful and fun.  When I realized she was reading things off the cards that I had never voiced to anyone else, it was a moment of realization that maybe Tarot isn’t just cards drawn at chance. After two more readings in back-to-back weeks with a similar experience, I decided to purchase my own deck as a means to get in touch with my own intuition.

It’s been a great experience for me, not only with regards to my personal growth, but also to my mental health. According to a paper published by Samuel Weber and Kenneth Pargament, several studies have related religion and spirituality to a better mental health, especially when people are engaged in these activities in a group setting. They help people gain a sense of meaning and control over their lives, which is something I’ve experienced and that has helped me do better over such a hard period of my life. I'm extremely grateful for having met these women who have helped me see past my own limited experiences and biases to embrace something that has completely changed me in a very beneficial way.

Weber, Samuel R, and Kenneth I Pargament. “The Role of Religion and Spirituality in Mental Health.” Current Opinion in Psychiatry, vol. 27, no. 5, 2014, p. 358., doi:10.1097/YCO.0000000000000080.